Depression

The first thing a baby does as soon as he's born, is to cry. Because life is suffering. A person, in death, looks calm. Because death is liberating.

I just wanna let go of it all, I want to sleep everything away. But I can't. I have responsibilities, deeds to repay. I have to keep on conforming to societal pressure.

Since we were young, society has molded us and forced on us a supposed road of success. The only way, they say, is by education; by studying our hearts out, figuratively and literally -- literally for in the process, we learn to be emotionally detached. We learn to care less about nature. We learn to care only for things that concern us directly, and to ignore everything else. We learn to be uncaring.

Reading the Buddhist teachings actually depresses me, for I know I can't possibly escape rebirth in this state I'm in, this life I'm living. I'm no saint. I have willpower. I have a tendency to do good. But all the same, I feel so weak.

And so we keep living this life over and over and over again; oblivious, delirious and ignorant.

Look around you. What is it that holds substance? What is it that you can honestly say is yours? What is actually permanent? Nothing. Nothing is.

And when you look at it that way, everything seems to fade into grey. Nothing seems to matter anymore.

Then what's the point, really, of all this struggle? It's really all so empty, isn't it?

I'm very depressed. Really I am.