The Gemini... then / The Beauty of Blogging

We'll tip the hourglass a little bit, shan't we? These are recollections from my past...

May 24, 2005:

six working days left to freedom. approximately three weeks left to university results. approximately 2 weeks after that to university admission. that means freedom = less than three weeks.

i feel so shortchanged by myself. didn't i deserve to enjoy the holidays rather than fill it with work? i'm still young enough to not care about the worries of the industry and the working world, am i not? guess i just grew up too fast. circumstances forced me to.

but a man has two hands. on the one hand, i pat myself on the back for having managed to survive so many weeks in this working world. it's no easy task, one which i'm very sure no one my numerical age could manage this well. i've seen many people come and go in my relatively few weeks here... and these include several undergraduates several years my senior, up to a very experienced lady 45 years of age. i should be proud of myself that i'm so lucky.

but yet, there's always the other hand...

May 19, 2005:

having experienced the sales line, i'm aware of how far and how low my colleagues would put themselves sometimes to beg for some cash. and it struck me that if i were to be a singer or songwriter or anything like that (which i've always dreamt to be, but then again you could say that i've mellowed with age), this would require an amplified dose of even more begging - firstly begging for my songs to receive some listening, secondly begging for my say on the recording process, thirdly begging for the songs i like to be chosen for the final album cut, fourthly begging consumers to buy it, fifthly praying hard that it climbs up the charts, sixthly begging the producer for one more album in case the album doesn't really sell...

how low i would have to kneel in order to do what i want. ultimately, customer is king in every industry but the people who bear the brunt and workload of this is the sales and marketing team, of which i've been a part of these weeks past, and of which i dare say, is the foundation and backbone of every organization in business.

we live in a world where art is seldom appreciated by the layman. as such, i prefer to lay low until the time is right. until the twelve of never. what's wrong with that?

May 11, 2005:

the gemini brothers bicker inside me

maybe it's because i'm a gemini that i'm always at two minds about everything. work is hectic, though my workload has lessened considerably now. sometimes i think of quitting. sometimes i feel like holding on. sometimes i feel my colleagues are fabulous. sometimes i'm glad to be able to leave them at the end of the day.

sometimes i feel so enthusiastically energetic that anything anyone would bring on would be under me. now i'm just feeling worn-out, bored and underpaid. as i type this entry, i am repeatedly called by the accounts assistant to scan this, photostat that, type some and fax some. (this is not really in my job function, but i help them out anyway.) it's really frustrating whenever i'm typing and someone disturbs my train of thought. but then i chuckle it out and it's fine.

maybe i should liken myself to twin gemini brothers always bickering with each other and never in one mind about anything. yup, that well summarizes me. if you remember i've always wanted to be a singer, lay everything on the line to every studio operator and talent scout and live a simple life of a songwriter. then as soon as i think that, i also think of the discouraging general perception of people in the arts, how hard it would be to get my songs heard anyway, etc... and i remain this way.

but however the two brothers disagree inside me, they're still twins, still connected in blood and heart, though never in mind. right now i'm thinking of quitting. but why should i? i'm doing so well here... i've survived five months here anyway, so why spoil something so great?

June 17, 2004:

and come to think of it, if i really come to think of it, the real thing stpm is just four months away. and it is always at times nearing exams like these, that i consider putting my music aside and study my brains out in order to reach my full potential. but it is also during these times when i consider doing so, that song ideas come in at speed non-stop. and i suppose, this can be likened to a centripetal force acting on an object rotating in a circular motion. the bigger the radius i.e. the more i try to push it away, the larger the centripetal force (mv2/r) that balances it i.e. the more it tries to come back. and most of time, equilibrium fails me and i favour music over science. have i ever mentioned how there are times i stayed awake the night before exams, songwriting? do you remember how just days before the supposedly all-important mid year exams recently, i auditioned for idol?

Just think about it, dear jammers. I will never write in the exact same way, nor string these exact same words with the same feeling that I had in those moments in time, ever again. These are, ultimately, snapshots of my life, frozen in words. These are memories -- though some best left forgotten, many more are meant to be cherished.

If not for these words, I would have forgotten so much of my life history -- so much what made me the person I am now... This, my friends, is the beauty of blogging!