The Reluctant Rebel

Once again, on my birthday, I contemplate what I'm doing with my life.

Wasn't it just yesterday that I pledged to myself that I would cut all these strings binding me, to discover who I really am? That was a year ago. And the year before that.

However, I am now officially an adult. I can do whatever I want to do. Or can I?

I feel my Mum's need for me. I know how much just my being at home means to her, how much not driving her car away gives her that security she requires. I understand she finds it hard to let go. I am an obedient son. There's no wrong in it. In fact, I would gladly dedicate my life to making this wonderful woman happy.

I sense my Dad's realization that his son has finally grown up. I guess he will look back at my teenage years, and draw a blank. For that's when he started working outstation. It's painfully obvious. We sit together in the dining table, while he's having his breakfast. And he wants to talk to me. I do too. But I don't know what to say. He hesitates briefly, also lost for words. After finishing his breakfast, he hastily excuses himself and goes to work. I will see him again five days later.

For my birthday, I wish that I could find more strength to pursue my life's journey, to explore my talents and interests, while maintaining a clear conscience. And Dad, Mum, forgive me if in doing so, I sometimes have to rebel.