A Changed Mind

I just can't bring myself to write a song anymore. It just feels so empty now, as it always has -- years of effort fueled by dreams which are now almost discarded -- and just because the academic field takes the trouble to acknowledge my existence.

I now have a clearer picture of what I want to and can achieve in life. Hence, the newly-added list of goals at the sidebar on the left (now visible to Firefox users -- thanks to Juliana!)

After years of being indoctrinized by societal pressure on the need for endless persuance of education, I find I have been converted into a grades- and examination-worshipping student.

Looking back, I remember entering university life with a "devil-may-care" attitude, planning to go through what everyone does, while laughing away at the stupidity of the overratedness of education, grades and all.

I chuckled at the absurd idea of those certain grades and the great desire to enter that certain list, which supposedly shows you achieved something great in your (campus) life. And then some more.

I was not to know that those very things I made jokes of, were to make me the biggest one.

As fate would have it, I am a man of education. (After all, my last name in Chinese means "education".) Now, a year later, things have gone well for me where the field of academics is concerned, and have rewarded me equally overwhelmingly, that I've almost forgotten the original mindset when I first started.

Now I no longer bluntly disrespect top scorers -- I understand that it takes a lot of effort -- though for some people, their attitude needs as much effort polishing! Nowadays, if a friend tries to put down our education system, I make it a point to argue with him. Nowadays, if some man on the street condemns our undergraduates, I will make it my duty to correct him of this stereotype.

The battle call has sounded. I can't afford to be hesitant. I can't afford to look back.

I can't afford to lose.