Merde Merde

If there's one fact I've established about myself, is that missing just one minute of sleep would guarantee mental torture the next day. Today is one such day.


As I read Stephen Clarke's Merde Actually in the library, trying to figure out why this is such a merde* day, I came across several possible causes:

1. Overworking. For yes, I feel the exhaustion as if I've exerted myself with too much labour. But the 'labour' I do is mostly mental and hardly physical, and I can hardly justify any mental labour today, so it's all a mess. But I should check my workaholic tendencies, it's really not good for me. Well, good in the long run, but not in the short.
2. Lack of sleep. But no, I've had a good night's sleep, though I admit, a little clipped from the beginning and end time ranges, which shouldn't matter so much, except with me the effects of lack of sleep is always amplified. I admire people who could sleep late, wake up early and still have the energy.
3. Lack of interesting conversations. It's been long since I had a fulfilling conversation with anyone. But it shouldn't matter too. Maybe it's just lack of sleep.
4. Food for contemplation. Thinking of my grandpa makes me feel helpless as only he can provide the spirit to walk again but he doesn't want to help himself. There's nothing I can do for him. I could pray, but the prayer's only going to naught if he himself doesn't believe in himself that he is capable of life again, that his time is not up yet. My grandma and uncle are worried sick for him. I am engulfed by a heavy cloud of gloom and helplessness every time I visit him. If only there was something I could do, but I can't, for I myself am so frequently fallible.

I just gorged down on a packet of Milo Nuggets and a tin of 100 Plus, and felt much better... for a while. Maybe I should stop thinking, and sleep it out.

[update 9:19PM] I've figured out what made me hot under the collar, my body was overheated. Some bad engine I have, keeps overheating. Ah but with the scorching weather nowadays, little surprise. And the no drinks in the library rule doesn't help!

*Oh and if you're wondering, this means sit in French, with a h before the i.