Chicken and Duck

CY [3:03 PM]:
..........what's the difference bet. CMOS and VDMOS?
Colleague_A [3:03 PM]:
.......... CMOS included NMOS and PMOS
.......... VDMOS is vertical DMOS
.......... i dun know how to answer ur Q
.......... do i answer ur Q correctly ?
CY [3:05 PM]:
.......... can we say CMOS and VDMOS are the same?
Colleague_A [3:06 PM]:
.......... definitely NO
.......... it's chicken and duck
CY [3:07 PM]:
.......... which one is the chicken?
.......... CMOS = chicken MOS
.......... VDMOS = vertical duck MOS
.......... ok, got it
Colleague_A [3:08 PM]:
.......... sure .....

Staged Fight

I got onto the stage. Groggy from lack of sleep, a necessity from an early morning wake for need of travel, with one too many cups of tea to prop me awake. Unprepared, unrehearsed and unaffected.

The only words I had in my head over and over were my first ones. Short, brief sentences. Nay, phrases. Short phrases attract attention.

As I said my lines, formerly equally forlorn and drowsy eyes were no more and now on me.

Soon I realized that I'd forgotten to smile. I was scaring the audience. I instantly smiled and introduced myself, "Let me introduce myself. I'm..." and see one lady in the audience instantly relaxing in relief. Good.

When you speak in front of a crowd, you wield a mighty power over the audience. You can make them smile, cry and/or nod, perhaps all at the same time, with mere simple lines and gestures. Many people don't realize this power, and many of them don't use it.

By not seriously rehearsing, I was as usual ad-libbing my lines. And yes, I fumbled. Once, I lost my train of thought in the middle of the sentence: I merely gestured with both hands in a vertical circular motion saying, "Sorry, lost for words" and started again. Simple.

On hindsight, by not practising (reading sentences from your powerpoint slides is a serious crime!), I effectively was different and refreshing.

And that was all that was really needed.

If a song could get me you...

She's my favourite singer for sure... very pretty and abundantly talented. In this video she sings her single "If A Song Could Get Me You" in a marketplace in Oslo, Norway. She is Marit Larsen.

[Edit] Here's a trivia for you. The guy in green playing beside Marit is her boyfriend Thom Hell. So technically the song already got her him, lol :)

I Can See Clearly Now, The Rain Has Gone

"The stark difference between the BN-led State Government and the PR government is how casual events like these are. People crowded on the stage, the stairs and all around the stage."
- Chan Lilian

I was one of the 3000-odd audience, along with my parents, at the Malam Penerangan Setahun Pemerintahan Pakatan Rakyat (literally, Night of Illumination [in commemoration of] One Year of the People's Coalition Rule) at Penang's Esplanade. We actually stumbled upon this event while on the way to a few banks, and being the "speech lovers" we were, hurriedly finished our errands and headed back to the Esplanade.

We arrived in the middle of YB Jeff Ooi's oration and stayed until the end of YB Karpal Singh's speech at 12am, 8 March 2009 -- marking one year since my first voting experience.

YB Karpal's first words were, "Saya tidak takut. Kawan-kawan di sini, saya tidak takut. (I'm not afraid. With all of you here, my friends, I'm not afraid [referring to the recent threats by the opposition towards him].)"

I took the opportunity to walk up and down the crowd, taking in the view of what I consider a very historical event. Plus, there were no police officers (at least none in uniform) nor FRUs present to "protect" the place. There was no need.

This is the beauty of Penang.

According to CM Lim Guan Eng, in two years' time, the whole of Penang will be engulfed in free wifi, and citizens above 60 will receive incentives "for making Penang's economy what it is now". This means in three years' time, my father will qualify for the incentive and be able to surf his favourite sites for free. What joy!

Wrong State of Mind

Once again I capture my thoughts in a song. It makes me feel better when I do. When I don't write for a certain period, I get sick in the head. And probably that's what's happening to me; have been getting crazy mood swings from one minute sad and the next minute happy, though I have no reason to be sad really. No I don't think so.

Anyway, this song summarizes how I felt this week. It's uploaded here in two takes, in my favourite Bryan Adams-ish voice. The first takes of any song is usually the better one, but I included the second take here also because it's different. I never sing a song the same way the first couple of times (after which it becomes boring to sing).

Here are the lyrics (give or take a few words :P):

I spend 20 minutes being sad

and the next 10 minutes being happy
And the next 10 thinking
how much I've gone mad

I sit and wonder why I'm constantly
(suddenly) drowned in a sea of agitation
I guess the workshop is a
devil's idle mind

The road looks empty going forward
and I shed a tear while I look behind
Ah ~ In the wrong state of mind
Ah ~ In the wrong state of mind

Of How Karl Came About

As I often say and greatly believe, our lives have some sort of a pre-plan that always works out in a very weird manner.

For example, I've chosen Karl as my 'unofficial' name (this is a story of many years ago), from a long list of names supplied to me by friends Sue and Liwei, who joked that it was like "choosing a baby name", due to my indecisiveness.

The name Karl for me has largely remained an online persona (for example, as can found in this blog's URL), hardly in use in real life; with the exception of the six months I worked with a sales company where it was much easier to introduce myself as Karl over the phone and email. (Karl (pronounced KAAL) is the German word for 'man', if you're wondering. My colleagues, however, found it even much easier to pronounce it as Cow.)

And now I find myself working in a German company and very interested in the German language that I've begun a lot of self-study, with the help of good people like Eileen and my German colleague Thomas, who despite his occasional "white arrogance" (for example, he believes he should receive better service in a restaurant because he's white; in jest, albeit) has thought me practically a new phrase a day (and a whole lot of German quirkiness which will be the blog topic of another day).

Hence I foresee a revival of my unofficial German name, perhaps or perhaps not. For things might or might not happen, as we are not privy to our life chapters until they're written. Maybe I'm just trying to see links where there are none; to find some order in this world where disorder (requiring the least energy) rules.

Solitary Solitaire

If there's one eccentricity of myself that even I find eccentric, is that I love being alone. I love being alone, to a fault. I see no wrong in wanting to not be disturbed, to be able to maintain a certain calmness, a peacefulness -- and not fetter it with pretentiousness and superficial words -- for the whole day.

Ten hours of silence is much better than ten superficial conversations.

I can't stand how superficial the world is. I aspire for higher thoughts, but can find no one to relate to.

Funny, after all these years, after all the achievements I've built up one by one, I still haven't succeeded in understanding myself.

fate pwns dreams

we all have dreams -- of what we are to do, sometime in life, sometime from now, a few days, a few nights, or never. we all have plans -- of who we will be, a factory or two, and find me a research lab where i can be a mouse.

and we all have songs -- so many unwritten, so many unsung, so many in our heads, many undone. That no more can we feel the feeling of so many so-manies while still remaining sane enough to be sane and insane enough to be insane. and when the lines and boundaries are criss-crossing each other at the intersection of faith, humanity and all the things i'm not qualified of which to speak...

there i find myself standing, as i always do. but the settings change a little, and my mind a little younger than the day before. somewhat i feel like benjamin button -- born with the mind of an old man, and i gradually learn to let go -- though somewhat still maintaining an air of wisdom, which i need to tread this line of sanity-insanity.

at times like this where it is neither night, nor is it morning, my mind flows with the fluidity that i had years ago... truly, while we may grow, from ourselves we may never outgrow.

for children grow as little birds fly
the movie scenes don't linger...

(this above is my favourite song now, btw)

and for all the plans that we can make, and dreams that we can dream, somehow somewhere deeper in my heart, i know, that for all my hopes and aspirations, my life story has been drafted before i was born -- i believe this for all of us, and we're doing nothing but realizing these pages in our own, slightly abridged, slightly rewritten, yet essentially the same, words.

Jubilance

Woo hoo. I've finally achieved a major victory in my Masters research. Finally the six months of the ups and downs, and believe me there were plenty, most inside my head (our mind is a very dangerous place). Oops it's not six months, it's eight since I joined the company, and three officially. Six is just a number I make up whenever my colleagues ask because it's easy and I like to "backdate" myself a bit, to make myself "younger". And I didn't complete the two sentences before -- Finally the six months of the ups and downs... feel worth it.

(paragraph of blabbering cut off here)

Anyway sigh this post is such an injustice to my happiness. This will be a great CNY. Keong hee huat chye :)

I am COW!

Stolen from the OXious 5xmom
Song by Arrogant Worms, I am Cow (worm?)

I am cow, hear me moo
I weigh twice as much as you
And I look good on the barbecue
Yogurt, curd, cream cheese and butters
Made from liquid from my udders
I am cow, I am cow, hear me moo

I am cow, eating grass
Methane gas comes out my ass
And out my muzzle when I belch
Oh, the ozone layer is thinner
From the outcome of my dinner
I am cow, I am cow, Ive got gas

I am cow, here I stand
Far and wide upon this land
And I am living everywhere
From b.c. to newfoundland
You can squeeze my teats by hand
I am cow, I am cow, I am cow
I am cow, I am cow, I am cow!

Dedicated to my fellow oxen friends :)

Insatiable Thirst

don't you really feel sometimes
that everything you needed to know
is already in your head
and that you're just unlocking levels
like in a video game?

it's a land of mystery, this mind
a land of wisdom, of contradictions
it's a place where kings rule and peasants breed
it's a place where demons rule and the hungry meet

and along this street are pretty girls
yet none, one starts to wonder
if there'll be anything ever in common
with the writer

i have written the words and forgotten the songs
maybe for the better
but i still continue create even more
to get even
with time (a-platter)

and as i first forget, and later they
the same
before we vanish
let's close our eyes
and think once more
let's purse our lips
in silence before
our eyes leave us

hanging

this is a compilation
an agglomeration of thoughts
over the past few days
in words unsatisfactory
as always

do i hope that my mind
be cleared of these thoughts
when i write them
or to hope for more to come?

alas, even i myself am not
in the position of authority
to answer
this riddle

and beginning which
i am to realize
that i may never
fulfill the "solvation"
of the puzzles
that grow

like rain flowers
in my head

i wonder why i think so much
and love the thought of it

i wonder why i'm still searching
after all these years
unquenched

and i wonder
exactly what it is
that i'm searching for

Sensitive Incensed Nonsense

There are many types of people in this world, each one wired differently. Some have a tendency to form cliques and make sure every decision is aligned with the clique, even if it means losing their backbone. Some have a tendency to be detached from cliques, for their want of not wanting to align with others... (for too many) parallel lines are boring.

I have always been one who veers in a go-around direction, myself not sure where I'm going and not wanting to ask the way (in terms of social circles). I find cliques to be boring. Sure it feels good to belong, but if belonging robs you of your freedom of time, choice and thought, I'd rather not belong.

And that is why, though I fit in occasionally, I have a very active conscious thought that I will / should / might never belong to any one single clique.

We all want to be unique. However, the truth is that, we are each as unique as the other person. So, in order to create the illusion of uniqueness, we prefer to withdraw into a self-drawn world, where one person exists within the confines of his mind. In this world (then), he is unique.

And this thought makes life easier to deal with.

In this night of day, the air around my mind seems to mess with its thoughts again, and as my fingers transcribe them into word form they hint of mysterious deepness, yet in reality could I just be complicating simple thoughts with the many words used to describe them; while still doing injustice to them. Sigh.

This is the price to pay when you refuse to sleep when your body tells you to. Your mind gets calm and noisy at the same time. Focused, yet talking incessantly in the "ungraspable" time that makes up this hour.

What nonsense.

(Ah yes, I have learnt to laugh at the hilarity of this all. This all. This all.)

The Day After Today

This song is called "The Day After Today". Download link at end of post.



It's a very simple song to play. The chords are as follows:

D......................BM
today u taught me the words
........G
that i put into song and sing
A
back to u

today u showed me a tear
that fell to the ground
.....EM....A.....F#M
and grew into a tree

........BM
shading our hearts
........EM
sharing our worlds

G..................A....D..............BM
and we'd spend 4 hours looking at the clouds
G...................A...........BM
telling each other stories made up

and we'd spend 5 moments looking at each other's eyes
asking questions we never could say

G...........A.......D
where do u see tomorrow
what have we brought from yesterday?
G........A.............D
we say goodbye at the end of
.....BM
the bridge
.G...........A.......G.....A
where will u be the day after
...D
today?

i try to find a reason
i try to explain it off
but no words can bare my soul
G...............A.........D
no words could say how i feel
G...............A.........D
....................about u

If you use Slowmyx connection, you might prefer to download this song here.

Time is Right

This is the first song I wrote when I came to Kulim... scribbled on the first page and inner cover of my new notebook.



Mainly the thought I had while writing this was that life is essentially a series of rapidly passing phases... one moment you're doing this; the next you're somewhere else doing something else. I particularly love the final lines of the song, because it reflects this thought:

"But children grow as little birds fly
The movie scenes don't linger
And all the times I figured why
I couldn't find the answer"

I hope this song encourages you as it did me. You can download this song by clicking here.

Bleep

I... have been trying to upload some songs onto here but Lifelogger seems to have been a has-been...?

Anyone with suggestions for audio-hosting sites?

The Traveller is Lost Again

standing at the crossroads
a rifle in my hand
i fire a shot into the darkness
and hear my heart bang

i have lost the passion i had
somehow somewhere along the way
and i feel there's so much baggage
adding on me day by day

now standing at the crossroads
a rifle in my hand
all i want is to let it go
discard them, baggage and all

i wish to feel happy again
somehow somewhere i know i can

Alien Anthem

A little ditty to fill the space. As with streaming audio, click pause until it finishes loading (hopefully). And with a lot of hopefulness, it will.

A Memo of Memories

It's been nearly a month, since I realized that I can no longer form new memories with my grandpa.

The final celebration of his life was so serene, so peaceful and so harmonious that there was a general air of laughter and merriment, particularly among us his grandchildren.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately. Trying to hold on to the strings in the fabric of memory. And I'm thankful that some of them have been framed within the confines of this blog.

This is by far, my favourite jotting: Some Time with Grandpa

Also: My Grandparents' 50th Wedding Anniversary

And this: Universe City, where I wrote:

"i think also, more than anyone, my grandpa is the proud owner of bragging rights. and i recall since i was very young, he would encourage me to work hard and enter this university in future. the day i told him my results [of university admission], he and grandma spent the night awake with wide grins on their faces."

From now, everytime I sing Unchained Melody it will be in honour of him. Here's to you, grandpa :)

Making a Molehill out of a Mountain

I've learnt that just by being totally nice and reasonably accommodative, just by completely listening and comfortably supportive, that I can get the job done with more hands and less headache.

It is not necessary to be the smartest worm in the book.

Nor is it necessary to be the loudest whistle in the rain.

Neither is it necessary to be the leader of the pack.

By fulfilling the qualities of the first, one will gradually attain the rest.

This is what I've learnt, in the journey of my life, so far.

If

If you could say one word to everyone in the world right now, and one word only, what would you say?