Collective battle

this is a reminder to self to choose battles wisely. some battles can be won by sidestepping the mountain and thus conquering oneself by choosing not to conquer said mountain. no use engaging in debates on social networking sites which eventually would hold no impact and sooner or later come to naught.

and as such, "unfriending" and "unfollowing" concepts come to mind as very practical solutions in achieving the peaceful mind. some colleagues told me before that to overcome the opponent, we must embrace the opponent's ideology and thoughts. that is, purposely taking in the input of the opponent and then decide to use it as a weapon later. while this might work in several circumstances, again this boils down to whether this is a 'fight' worth fighting.

if for a scientific debate all opposing views are held into consideration then i am agreeable. but for open topics such as religion and politics taking into account the opposition is often tedious and furthermore, righteousness is subjective. as such, it is imperative to remind oneself that one's collection of thoughts and beliefs are unique and may not be shared by the collective 'others'. this is how 'geniuses' are born and where Nobel prize winners reside.

for if they were to take the low ground and remain under the radar in order to remain 'safe', they would not have had impacted humanity with their ideas in the first place. in an intimidating environment, genius is killed. as such, it is imperative for oneself to be aware that 'to see the change in the world, one must first change oneself'. and it is with this belief, that i change my surroundings to a more receptive and conducive one.

and to be aware of the fact that one can choose the battles to fight, and not needing to engage each one that appears before the very eyes, for it might be true that the most obvious battle is a red herring, while the sharks come circling by...

Of pencil and paper, and crystal balls

Just finished reading a wonderfully written paper on graphenes (thin sheets of carbon) by A.K. Geim and K.S. Novoselov. This must be the very first paper I've read from the first word to the last, and though I do not profess to understand the very involved physics, I liked what I did not understand. And though lots of distractions abounded -- mostly self-inflicted in the form of Facebook -- I savoured every word of the article. Which I must say, must be one of the first times this has happened. Although I've read so many papers in my Masters research, most times I would just glaze through or get so lost at some point (due to clumsily worded sentences, unexplained technical jargons, or too much maths!) that I skipped large portions or lost interest in persevering.

But this paper was so well-written, in my humble opinion, with a mixture of creative 'non-scientific' sub-headings and easy-going language, that it didn't make the reader feel (overtly) stupid.

I'm currently seriously considering my real interest of research, knowing full well that I haven't defined it and it is high time now that my Masters thesis is blossoming well (I hope my supervisors think so too! And approve it soon so I can submit for oral defence!), for me to sit down and put down on paper what it is that would motivate me to work on -- even without the benefit of a salary.

Yes, I believe that should be the main criterion in deciding what makes one happy. Just ask: If you were not reimbursed financially, what is it that you would do willingly? Or perhaps I should rephrase it in a more practical manner: In your spare time, away from the office, away from working hours, what 'work' would you be willing to continue spending time on?

I remember spending nights almost without sleeping in my undergrad days, coding in C++ (one of my favourite courses, besides Public Speaking!), fine-tuning Flash animations (now almost forgotten to me unfortunately) and troubleshooting in Linux for my Bachelor's project (my supervisor made it a challenge for me to beat him in figuring out how things worked, and it was fun to try to!). It was at those times I never felt forced to do those tasks, I was even willing to forgo sleeping time for them. Now when I think back I realize, that those were what made me happy :)

It is high time, it is imperative for me to choose my next path wisely and correctly. Surprising, isn't it? Such a simple question... which on first thought you think you know the answer, but on writing it down, the idea becomes as thin as the paper it is written on. What 'work' would make you happy?

Why Can't I Be an Astronaut?

by Haji Juliahi Haji Suut as reproduced by Amde Sidik in Kadayan Journal (http://kadayanjournal.com/?p=1997)
Translated to English by CY the Gemini (http://karljam.blogspot.com)

Please refer to the translator's note at the end of the post.

I have a story to tell. Maybe I should write in the Proper Malay to allow our countrymen to preserve their dignity and ego. In the very least, they can be proud that our mother tongue has not lost out.

Last time when I was schooling at Tanjung Lobang College from Form 1 (in 1984) to Form 5, there were several discrepancies in the teaching-learning process. It was an alien atmosphere. I could remember the look of burden of my teachers' faces as they taught. Oftentimes they faltered for words, and struggled to find the next sentence. It was a pitiful state of affairs.

I can recall one Science teacher gasping for breath as he tried to deliver the lesson in his best Malay. We the students waited patiently until the sentence was complete, oftentimes interjecting wherever we could help. He was not the only teacher lost in a language transition. The same thing happened during Maths. In short we the students became the teachers.

At times the situations were totally beyond salvation. For example:

“Segi tiga sudut menentang segi lurus darjah tak sama.”
(Literal translation: "The alternating angles of a right-angled triangle are not equal.")

“Bila inertia habis dalam angin jatuhkan jasad kepada bawah.”
(Literal translation: "As there is no inertia in air, a body would drop.")

“Graviti membawakan jatuh epal dari bumi.”
(Literal translation: "Gravity causes an apple to fall to the ground.")

Thus we students were dumbfounded.

My teachers' pronunciation, sentence structure and tone of speech in the Malay language left much to be wanted. As a result, the presentation of their lessons suffered.

It is not an overstatement to state that the students of Tanjung Lobang College of my time relied heavily on text books for knowledge, as opposed to class lessons. The language of instruction was a severe hindrance to transference of knowledge. A lecture of 40 minutes could only provide 10 minutes of equivalent knowledge.

We know that if the mold is faulty, the result is defective. However it is not fair to blame the teachers or students of Tanjung Lobang College (1984-1988). It was more likely that the recipes for the mold was insufficiently prepared in the first place.

Enough with Proper Malay; I shall continue this article in the popular Malay.

It must be noted that the Tanjong Lobang College of my time is not without stature. It was a boarding school consisted of high achievers from all over Sarawak. Around 50 students were selected to launch the elite program. I was among those young pioneers, those so-called "selected students". We were the bright students carrying the national hope to become future engineers, doctors, scientists, or even better, astronauts.

It must be stated also that the teachers entrusted onto these genius classes at that time were not selected on a whim. They were professional teachers with excellent teaching records, degrees from overseas universities and were qualified to teach until Form 6 if they wanted to. They were, themselves, genius teachers.

To make a long story short, we genius students didn't become much of geniuses. Of course, some became engineers and doctors after our schooling days. They were all not handsome. The handsome ones like yours truly only managed Grade 2 in SPM and until now I can't build my own rocket. Most of us became housewives and contractors. One or two became bank clerks and office boys.

So what went wrong with the geniuses of Class 1984? Why can't I be an astronaut?

If we were to say that the teachers were not good tutors, that would be unfair. If we were to say the students were too smart to be taught, that is even more ridiculous. So what went wrong?

Perhaps the most likely culprit was the language of instruction. When chemical reactions taught in the classroom were spelt differently from those found in the guide book and library references, it is normal to become a bit disoriented. And why not? To have to refer to bilingual dictionaries of Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka was a waste of energy and time. And when you needed to do so on a repetitive basis, cross-referencing became a chore.

Before moving on to other national issues, I wish to convey my regards to all the genius teachers of Tanjung Lobang College, Mdm. Yeoh Bang Keng, Mary Chiam and May Ho Leng. You have all done your best, and we know that. Thank you very much. To Anuar, Shukri, Hasimah and the others; thank you so much as well. We have tried our best.

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Translator's note: I translated this article as I could relate with the author and also to increase its accessibility to readers less proficient in the Malay language. Any discrepancies in translation are my responsibility. As I completed translating, I found the original version of the article, which is considerably different and much longer, here (http://knightadventure.blogspot.com/2008/06/english-vs-melayu.html). As such, this translation is for the article as reproduced in Kadayan Journal.

Staged Fight

I got onto the stage. Groggy from lack of sleep, a necessity from an early morning wake for need of travel, with one too many cups of tea to prop me awake. Unprepared, unrehearsed and unaffected.

The only words I had in my head over and over were my first ones. Short, brief sentences. Nay, phrases. Short phrases attract attention.

As I said my lines, formerly equally forlorn and drowsy eyes were no more and now on me.

Soon I realized that I'd forgotten to smile. I was scaring the audience. I instantly smiled and introduced myself, "Let me introduce myself. I'm..." and see one lady in the audience instantly relaxing in relief. Good.

When you speak in front of a crowd, you wield a mighty power over the audience. You can make them smile, cry and/or nod, perhaps all at the same time, with mere simple lines and gestures. Many people don't realize this power, and many of them don't use it.

By not seriously rehearsing, I was as usual ad-libbing my lines. And yes, I fumbled. Once, I lost my train of thought in the middle of the sentence: I merely gestured with both hands in a vertical circular motion saying, "Sorry, lost for words" and started again. Simple.

On hindsight, by not practising (reading sentences from your powerpoint slides is a serious crime!), I effectively was different and refreshing.

And that was all that was really needed.

The First Convocation

Chapter 23 - Undergraduate Life ends here.

Drama Epilogue

Looks like fate has not allowed me to end my undergraduate stories at Final Drama. Today, I have a Drama Epilogue to tell.

This morning while driving in front of the Jabatan Keselamatan (Security Department) building in USM, a stone projected from the grass cutting machine shattered my car's back window. The loud thud was followed by continuous popping and cracking noises, so I pulled up and confronted the grass cutter.

He called up his superior on his mobile, and soon his superior arrived. The latter asked me to report to the Security Department. I asked this superior:

Me: Siapa nama you? (What's your name?)
Superior: Tak payah. You pi report aje. (No need, just go and report.)

And so I lodged a complaint with the Security Department. In order to claim insurance compensation for this, however, I would in addition, need to file another report with the police main headquarters in the state, and return to the Security Department with that report and my IC, grant and insurance.

"Kata kat depa, USM cermin pecah, depa tau (Just tell them [police], broken glass, USM, they'll know [what to do])," said one of the guards. Makes me wonder if this is a common occurrence in this campus. Hardly surprising, since the grass cutters never seem to notice anything around them, even passers-by.

Anyway, I've replaced the glass. Interestingly, the stone hit the bottom off-right corner of the window. If it had hit just one inch lower, the glass-replacer man commented, it would have missed. How luckier could I get... In fact, if you look at the photo below, it looks like the stone hit exactly at the edge of the glass! (Click to enlarge)

(The red arrow shows the start of the crack.)

As for the police report, I've decided to pursue it no longer.

Final Drama

8.30 am

Arrive in front of DK 'I' where my last exam paper will start at 9.00am. Use the time to revise.


8.50 am

Start to notice no one else is arriving. The hall is as dark as ever.

9.00 am onwards

Panic! Stride to library to recheck the schedule. Can't find schedule there. Stride to Bakti cafeteria to check schedule there. It's says "L06, DK 'I'"... that's correct... strange...


Desperate. Barge inside DK 'U' and ask where is "L06, DK 'I'". Invigilator said, "Oh, bukan sini (Oh, not here)", (obviously!) and didn't know where L06 was. Argh!


Stride back to DK 'I'. Hall still as dark as ever. Push open the door to be sure. No one there. Call up friend #1. No answer. Call up friend #2. He terminates my call. Call up friend #3. Voicemail. They're already in the hall! But where? Think of calling up lecturers. Hesitate. Begin to suspect there's another DK 'I' in the campus. But where?? I can't flop my very last paper!!

Stride to lecture halls along Dewan Budaya (Cultural Hall)... There's no one around to ask! How embarrassing.


Reach Co-curriculum Building. Spot a lecturer-looking man. Ask, "Encik, di mana blok L06? (Mister, where's block L06?)" He replies, "Exam-kah? Sekarang pukul berapa? (Exam? What's the time now?)" I glance at my watch and see...

9.15 am

He takes me to the office to ask the clerk. "Mana ni... L06? (Where's this... L06?)" The clerk refers me to a map outside the office. I rush out of the office, only to hear her say, "Dewan Indah ke? (Is it the Indah Hall?)"

Eureka...! DK 'I' was not Dewan Kuliah 'I' (Lecture Hall 'I'), but Dewan Kembara I (Kembara Hall 1)!

Run all the way to Physics School carpark where I parked my car, and drive to Dewan Kembara I.


9.23 am

Arrive at Dewan Indah (Indah Hall). Wrong block. Scamper to the next block.

(map stolen from Minny, if you're wondering about the caption)

9.25 am

Enter Dewan Kembara I, panting. Face wet and red. Lecturer directs me to seat. Sit down and start writing.

12.00 pm

Exam ends. Finished on time. Thanks lots to Mr. Ibrahim Mustapa, lab assistant of Physics School, who explained to me the instructions and kept checking up on me throughout the paper.

Face still red. Tell story to friends for a good laugh.

On a good note, the adrenaline rush actually made me think faster and answer better. And I've never felt so healthy in a long time :)

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I've decided to name this post Final Drama in harmony with my previous posts Examination Drama, Projected Drama and Statistical Drama as a way to cap off my Bachelor Degree studies. The end.

Time Check

Tomorrow will be my last exam paper. Then I'll be free except for Viva on Wednesday. After that, I'll have unofficially graduated.

Despite having a week to prepare for tomorrow's paper, I wasted a lot of time because I was getting bored and also because there was too much time. Doesn't make sense, does it?

Breathing the Last of Student Days

Two papers down; one more to go.

As I left the exam hall today, I passed by several of my Applied Physics coursemates. I gave my usual smile and nod, and Poh Li replied, "Bye". I said nothing, just a smile. And it hit me as I walked towards my car, that for a huge portion of my coursemates, this would be the last time I meet them; and they me.

Read also: Looking Back at Campus Life

To become a Genius... Switch the air-cond to full blast?

I will not repeat the sad* news about the math-prodigy-turned-hooker. You can read the article here (Warning: Images are NSFW!). However, what captured my mind is how Sufia Yusof** became the genius she was.

Sufia was a strict Muslim child who prayed five times a day and was subjected to her father's famous Accelerated Learning Technique. Her days involved stretching and breathing exercises in freezing rooms to keep her brain attentive.

I've read countless interviews with top scorers who attribute their success to God, teachers, parents, friends, Yoda, Yoda, Yoda... Not to mention, rolled my eyes at those who credit God, God, God, God... (x100). But thanks to this article, we now know what makes the genius... well, a genius: Praying constantly, and exercising in freezing rooms. Intense cold makes the brain more active? I'm no expert in biology, but I suggest more research be done on this method.

Let's not go into the torture the child is actually put through, what's important here is this effect of intense temperature on brain activity, which I believe warrants at least a Masters or Ph.D research on. Who knows, the study might conclude that a student's brain is more absorbent in an air-conditioned environment? Parents then would be more in the know in presenting the child a conducive environment to study in!

Though, through personal experience, air-conditioners make my mind shut down and all the potential energy is wasted by shivering in my seat. With an igloo for a musing space, thinking straight would be out of the question!

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[Edit]
*Word deleted. Who am I to judge her?
**Read the Yusof Family's official blog maintained by Sufia / Sufiah's mother and siblings here!

On Physics, Education and Blogs

With slightly more than two months left to graduation, Karljam looks inside himself and asks some pertinent questions...

Q: What attracted you to Physics?

A: I must say that I only really began to develop an interest in Physics after starting my first year of undergraduate studies. This interest was due to firstly, the novelty of starting an in-depth course purely in physics, as opposed to the terribly burdensome studies during STPM where a student is expected to gorge down and master everything from Chemistry to Maths to General Studies -- in this regard, you can understand the liberating feeling of only having to study only one subject, technically; secondly, as I realized that day-to-day happenings obey or can be described by very simple equations. For example, the way a ball flies when thrown obeys the dynamical equations, such as v = u + at (the final speed* of an object equals its initial speed* plus the product of acceleration and time**).

* more accurately, velocity, which just means speed at a specified direction.
** assuming friction and the effect of gravity are ignored.

So you didn't like physics in your secondary days?

To tell you the truth, I hated physics in my secondary days. I believe it was largely due to the Malay medium used to teach the subject and also the too-carefully worded text books which are obsessed in covering all and only all of the planned syllabus. Due to the highly exam-oriented education structure, even the revision books tended to follow a similar obsession in ensuring they seldom cover anything outside of the syllabus. These factors combine to contribute in the subject being very dry and frankly, boring.

I must admit that I also never really 'got' Chemistry and Biology, with the latter being my worst. The teacher that shook her head every time she returned my test papers did little to boost my confidence nor love for the darned subject.

What made you change your mind about physics?

Things changed for the better as I entered form six, as the year I entered lower six was the first year of the switch to English (for science and maths). Immediately, the science subjects (here I'm referring to physics and chemistry, I never got Biology, and still don't) became so much more interesting, for two main reasons.

Firstly, because I feel English is the more natural subject for the sciences since more literature is available in English than Malay. Academic books in Malay would actually fare better if they were not either awkwardly translated from English or included many 'borrowed' words from English that the student would be better off reading in the original language.

And secondly probably because the syllabus of form six introduces in much more detail and provides more explanation behind the physical theories as compared to previous forms (obviously), thus making the learning process more thorough and more logical, in that sense. Where previously theories were glossed over and simplified, now I became more aware of their definitions and limitations.

But the main thing that spurred my 'love', if you can call it that, for physics was my experience in practicing to enter a national-level physics competition. At that time, my physics knowledge was hardly commendable, I wasn't top of the class, but the pure faith that my teacher, Ms. Choong Lai Yong had in me and two of my friends who were also joining the competition, spurred me to try my best to understand as much physics as possible in preparation for the big day. Ms. Choong was also the first (and remains the only) teacher I met that kept providing three of us personal coaching lessons, sometimes staying back until late hours after school -- once or twice even coming to school on a Saturday morning to do so!

How much do you love physics? What is your approach to education?

I must state that when it comes to physics, I tend to associate it in an academic way. And when it comes to academics, I've always somewhat handled it in a happy-go-lucky, couldn't-care-less attitude, though always in the midst of too many tests and examinations, I tend to get caught up in the heat and start to panic and get all geeky as well.

If you were to consider my years of education as a whole, these feelings usually swing to and fro as in a pendulum, between extremities. In my first year of undergraduate studies, I was particularly carefree because at that time, I viewed this educational passage as kind of a joke, and also because of the relative security of university studies as compared to the sixth forms.

As fate would have it, my carefree attitude began to drive up my interest as well as my grades. By the end of the first year when I entered the Dean's List, my 'security bubble' crumbled. You see, despite my projected nonchalance, deep inside I secretly hoped to achieve the Dean's List to prove to myself that I could do it -- someone with such an affinity to arts could do well in science? -- and also to prove that the award was nothing to shout about -- a silent way of getting back at Dean's Listers who became proud and arrogant as if they've conquered the world.

I was soon to be proven wrong. No, the award does not cost nothing -- it got me inducted into an international honour society, which trained my public speaking skills and gave me the chance to perform community service. If I didn't have a Dean's List, I wouldn't be eligible to join the society, I wouldn't have experienced the excitement of real public speaking, I wouldn't have done community service. No, the award does not mean nothing -- in a strange way, the award somewhat elevated me to a higher level on the academic scale, and got me noticed among my peers and colleagues. No, I couldn't change the world -- those arrogant pricks who thought they owned the world carried on their misguided egos. One humble Dean Lister makes no difference.

And NO, examinations are NOT mere formality. Examinations got me this award, and this award got me everything... But what really tipped my boat was the strength that the award (and the honour society membership) lent to land me an internship with a multinational company.

There was no turning back. I've come so far, that taking it easy was no longer an option. The carefree me of yesteryear had to be obsoleted. My bubble of security, was no longer intact.

So do you still think the Dean's List is a mere piece of award?

I still believe so. It's just a certificate, easily obsoleted as soon as one enters the working world. That is, if one chooses to work in the industry. If one pursues research or the academic line, the award will hold relevance for much longer.

So yes, I still believe it's not as valuable as it is hyped up to be. But after all that it has 'done' for me, I can no longer say that it is worth nothing. I mentioned my bubble bursting and my boat toppling over? I've never quite recovered from the confusion, as yet.

Does physics still impress you today?

I still maintain the inquisitive nature and joy at learning new things, though these days it's mostly about semiconductor fabrication processes and solid state physics, which, though interesting, are markedly harder to relate to real life or day-to-day happenings.

For example the concept of the 'reciprocal lattice' where the space that we know is theoretically inverted. This is so we could describe the energy and momentum of a material's structure, which is stated in terms of the reciprocal length (1 over length, instead of length). This 'reciprocal lattice' is very hard to relate to the world we know, because it just doesn't exist. Rather, it's a theoretical model invented for the sake of describing the world we know, which is a material's energy and momentum.

So your concern is that as your physics knowledge ascends to a higher level, the harder it is to relate them to the real world?

Yes.

But one can't dwell on the dynamical equations forever...

True, the simple concepts serve only as a foundation for higher knowledge. It would be dumb and highly unnatural to keep on being fascinated by the same thing.

There's a chance that you might become a lecturer in future, is that right? If so, there's a chance that your future students might stumble upon this post and read it. What do you hope they'll learn from these thoughts and experiences?

Yes. And to your second question, nothing.

There's also a chance that you might become a researcher. What will you think to future colleagues reading this archived post in future?

I believe posts like this bring out the human side in us and encourage other people's understanding of us. There is one scientist that I know of currently who uploads photos of his family and blogs about his numerous holiday tours. While these things are conventionally of a personal nature, they help to paint a very wholesome and human picture of the individual.

Besides, blogs are still considerably 'new' and 'alien' to the current working generation. In a few years' time, be it the manager, teacher, lecturer, doctor, nurse or secretary, all would have one time or another maintained a personal blog. Whether this will help or hinder them, is still too early to be said. Right now, it's hard to imagine your teacher or lecturer having a blog... This trend is soon to change in due time.

Will employment or potential employment cause a frenzy in deleting personal sites such as blogs and profile pages which might reveal more than necessary information?

A scary thought. But we shall see...

To Prove Him Wrong (and other stories)

To Prove Him Wrong

"Because ours is a three-year Physics course," the lecturer said to me, "it's very hard for us to pursue research overseas."

I disagreed with him but was in no mood to argue. Instead, I debated his statement in my head. After a moment's thought, I had a sneaking suspicion of his education credentials.

A fast check with the school's website confirmed my suspicion -- he had studied in the same university from Bachelor's up to Ph.D. This justifies his statement, but begs the question: Was he limited by his ability, or insecurity?

How dare he imply that our graduates are not good enough for the world. (Probably the worst crime is the realization that he himself is a lecturer of this course!) I now have one more item in my To-Do List: I will prove him wrong.

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Something I've wanted to do for a long time (but never got to it)

Take a photo with my photo...


Shot with my dad's webcam. (Good thing the board's not updated since 2006!)

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Best and Worst Pick-up Lines


Check out the rest of the comic here. It's pretty hilarious!

Technically, an Experience (and other stories)

Technically, an Experience

My persistence in learning up on technical computing aspects is beginning to pay off handsomely, that I now can confidently provide technical assistance to a fellow research lecturer from another local university today. And it was the same me several months ago who would shy away and shudder at the thought of being 'technically competent'. Today's success will spur me on my journey, one small step at a time.

I like the sound of that: One small step at a time.

Am trying to source for postgraduate scholarships around the globe, for I don't wish my parents to worry about funding my further education. I will keep on trying and trying, failing which, I will try some more.

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It's better to think too little than too much. The man who thinks too little, albeit not amounting much, is at least peaceful and contented. The man who thinks too much smothers himself with constricting questions that increasingly pile up into a burden he carries in his heart.

On a brighter note, I've learnt to become a more peaceful, contented person.

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The Missing Toothbrush

Yesterday morning as I got ready for school, I went to the sink and found, surprise surprise, that my toothbrush was missing. Later at night, I told my mum about it and she said, "Oh that's my toothbrush, I threw it away because it was too hard."

I was sure the toothbrush had been mine for the past three weeks at least, or so I thought. The funny thing was, she kept claiming the toothbrush was hers, when I clearly remembered tearing off the brush's packaging. Now I'm not so sure anymore, and that's the funny thing.

Oh well, I guess this will remain a mystery, which I hereby dub the 'Mystery of the Missing Toothbrush'.

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Sayuri Anzu

My current wallpaper. Isn't she just so pretty?

picsource

And you wonder why brain-drain occurs?

I purposely arrived early at the Deputy Dean's Office to inquire about a Masters degree scholarship. Her secretary, though politely helpful as soon as I mentioned "Masters", admitted she had no information on the scholarship, nor had she seen the notice stuck on various places in the school itself. She then referred me to another Deputy Dean, or to the Institute of Graduate Studies.

Having a few minutes left before lectures began, I walked quickly to the Institute of Graduate Studies but spotted no similar notice posted there. It was an unfruitful morning.

Back home, I did a search on the internet and within an hour, acquired plenty of information on available postgraduate scholarships in foreign universities -- whether one was eligible and how one should apply. (How different from the system here where you're bombarded with "Impress me!"s and not made to feel welcome to apply!).

What's more, the sites were smoothly linked to comprehensive lists of potential supervisors and project titles (no such list exists for local universities; here, recruiting supervisors generally go by word-of-mouth, for an inexplicable reason). And to top it all, there are additional pages convincing you to choose their institution or university, or even their country!

Being a diligent student, I'm amazed at how top universities of other countries practically welcome you to pursue postgraduate studies with them and supply you all the information you need at the click of a mouse (and with complete lists of potential projects, I'm compelled to say again, which allows the student to make an informed choice!), while I am hindered by much running around and lack of (concrete) awareness on available options closer to home, in spite of being a full-time student here.

Do you still wonder why brain-drain occurs?

As The Star columnist Dina Zaman writes, "One must be practical. Sentimentality only works in fiction."

Examination Drama

Up till that very hour, I was perfectly calm... surprisingly calm or misguidedly calm, if you prefer. But all that changed as soon as I stepped into the grounds of the examination hall.

Seeing crowds of students increasingly arriving by the minute, those already arrived hastily memorizing and re-memorizing lecture notes, those arriving exuding an aura of panic, made me start to panic as well.

And as my heart started beating fast, my subconscious mind with its perverted sense of humour started playing Britney Spears' Disco Remix of I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman in my head.

"Boom-chak, boom-chak, boom-chak, boom... I'm not a girl..."

And believe me when I tell you that the song kept replaying until after I exited the hall three hours later.

"...Not yet a woman!"

It didn't help release my nervousness with the fact that my table was number 001 in the hall, and that I could see that table from outside the window where I waited prior.

And not to mention that invigilator, a mathematician lecturer, who was so fascinated with my Physics that she stared at my answer script until I completed that one question...

Of examinations and Marit Larsen

Well it's two weeks to the start of my examinations, after which will be my final semester as an undergraduate. As always, I impose an isolation curfew around myself during the revising periods, going out as little as I can, and talking to people as little as I can.

But thankfully, I've learnt to relax and in fact, nap most afternoons away instead of pressuring myself to the point of meaninglessness and depression like previous times.

Now with no more lectures, my days are free from rigid pre-existing timetables, which is a good thing and also bad. For one, without the basic structure, I now see no point in waking up early. Most of the time I wake up just before noon. Sometimes after lunch, I revisit my bed for a sleep encore until sometime in the evenings when I would wake and study vigorously.

I've found that I am most efficient studying for an incredibly short period of time, as if in a hurry, turning the pages and scribbling away, as compared to psyche-ing myself to sit and study for hours. It doesn't work very well, as I keep rebelling against myself.

I realize that I use the pronoun 'I' a lot here. It sounds very egoistical and selfish, doesn't it? But well, in writing about myself, it certainly would be impossible to not mention the subject of the actions, wouldn't it?

To cap off this post, here's my current favourite song. It's called Under the Surface by Marit Larsen. Marit was one half of girl band M2M which consisted of her and Marion Raven. This album of Marit, also called Under the Surface, is unfortunately only released in her home country of Norway.

Suddenly I’m back at the core
Thinking of her who had you before
Were you as good
As good as we are
Do you remember?

Did you love her the way you love me?
Is there a chance that there might be
traces of her that you carry
under the surface?

(Full lyrics)

Something in her voice and melody is very touching. I want to buy her songs! Marit, I want to buy your songs!! Why's the album only out in Norway, anyway?

Ps. Getting it import from Amazon costs RM100!!
Pps. I fully agree with this reviewer, and I quote: "I ... like the rather ethereal quality of Marit's voice. ... The songs are the type of songs that you find yourself humming along to long after you've finished listening. Even better is the fact that you're never annoyed that it's stuck in your head!"

"Sweetness of knowledge is greater than the sweetness of honey"

The following is an excerpt from Hikayat Munshi Abdullah:

At times the question came to my mind: "What good is my life to me? I have no leisure from day to day, but have to sit and study instead of going out to play and to visit my friends" and as the thought came I cried in my sadness and mortification.

My mother came into the room and said when she saw me "Why are you crying for no good reason?" And I replied "Rather than live like this I should be better dead, for I am not treated as other children are." My mother said "What do you mean? Are you not fed and clothed? And if you are not like the child of a rich man, still as a poor man's son your father cherishes you; why then do you cry needlessly?"

And I replied "Even if you gave me gold every day it would be no good to me if I did not like it. See how my father makes me study every day, not once in a while, but so that I have no time off. He will not let me go visiting with my friends. I am like a man in the grave. Day and night there is work to be done."

When my mother heard my words she put her arms round my neck and kissed me on the face saying "My child, why be so stupid? You have not yet reached years of discretion. You are still a child and cannot yet appreciate for yourself the value of learning. Later you will understand its value and be grateful to your parents. Are you not my only child? If you do not learn to read and write the Korean [should be 'Koran'] as the children of the best families do, when you are older great may be your regret that your parents did not teach you these good things.

"Now you feel a bitterness greater than the bitterness of gall, but later on you will realize a joy above the sweetness of honey. Then at last you will be grateful for the providence of your parents.

"Supposing we two left you any amount of material possessions, if you gained no benefit they would give you but a transient pleasure. But good learning is not like this. Only when life leaves your body will it too leave you." Verily my mother's words were the truth, for now at last I know that the sweetness of knowledge is greater than the sweetness of honey.

- Abdullah bin Abdul Kadir, The Hikayat Abdullah, An Annotated Translation by A.H. Hill (Oxford University Press, 1970): 50 (paragraphing added)

Munshi Abdullah (1796-1854) was a renowned Malayan writer.

Looking Back at Campus Life

It still seems like yesterday when I was caught in between Form Six and university admission, unclear and unsure of my future course. In this post, let's take a look back at those days.

The day when university results were supposed to be out...

woke up early this morning with sleep in my eye, cause this is 'the day', when our uni-varsity results would be out. checked the net, hmm still nothing, it says results will only be out 22 June [2005], but hey wait a minute, it is 22 June, is it not? in fact i stayed up late until 12am yesterday, hoping that they'd somehow do as they say, to release the results on 22 June. hardly surprisingly, they didn't. [...]

that was until around 9 o'clock when i was still clicking, that i got a different site. at least, something different caught my eye, but it was still the same site. some smart alec IT guy in the elmo has conveniently changed the date to 24 June. - Uni-inefficiency

The joy of university admission...

it is a dream come true for my dad. every week as he drives past this university on his way to work in Ipoh, he would stare longingly and hope that someday i would be an undergraduate here. nowadays, he just drives past, smiles and exclaims, "my son will be studying here!"

i think also, more than anyone, my grandpa is the proud owner of bragging rights. and i recall since i was very young, he would encourage me to work hard and enter this university in future. the day i told him my results, he and grandma spent the night awake with wide grins on their faces. - Universe City

The end of orientation week, and my initial apprehension of signing up for Public Speaking...

besides being far, my hostel is possibly also the warmest, in that the fans are all located very far away from our bunkers and tables to really cool down anything. but the food is delicious and has a reputation of being the cheapest in the campus, so i guess win some, lose some. [...]

my schoolmates still remember me as the proofreader. my new friends know me as the English expert. but i'm not. in fact i'm very apprehensive about Public Speaking, but the initial other course i wanted had too little people to open, so it's not offered this semester.

doesn't Public Speaking sound terrifying? i guess i should never forget that i'm [fallible], and never be proud enough to refuse help, and to offer mine. - Apprehensive Aspirant

One week after that, some funny stories...

let me share with you a story. in the first tutorial for my abovementioned Malay class, i was speaking to my coursemate in English, a very nice girl, and the lecturer overheard. She then said, "Please speak Malay in class; don't speak Chinese". Muahaha.

i have another funnier anecdote. for each of our Student Villages (hostels), we have an R.O. filter which will dispense 1 liter of water for 20sen. in the week after our orientation, we were still new to the place and were passing by the filter when we got curious as to how it worked. so me and two friends walked up to the machine and noticed that it said "0.10". so my friend pressed the green "Start" button and we were surprised that water came out of the machine. after that, we decided to leave and as we did so, only then did we notice a girl standing behind us, blushing shyly.

so that's where the money came from. we still tease him about that, even now. - Campus Tales

Undergoing the compulsory medical check-up...

i went for my medical checkup at the university health centre just a few hours ago. and i was amazed at how little privacy and prudence they provided members of different genders. at the x-ray room, guys and gals were barely separated by a makeshift panel, and the officers make no efforts to offer any personal time. for guys, go in and "turn" right. for girls, go in and "turn" left - which were basically the same place separated by this aforesaid wooden panel.

"take your bras off", the nurse said to the girls. the gals hesitated and started noticing us guys. "those with underwires, take them off. for those normal ones, you don't have to", the nurse continued without skipping a beat. a girl in a white tee walked up, pinched at her cleavage area and asked "must take it off?" to which she said "ya". then we heard another officer saying, "or can you pull it up? boleh, kan?"

seconds later, the shy malay girls were walking around with palms on their chests while most others were busy staring into a small glass pane at us guys while we partially undressed.

yup, with eyes open wide... - Undressing Room

A glorified account of achieving the Dean's List...

Taking a few steps back, my eyes glare at the bar. My feet begin their harmonic rhythm, I hold my breath. Six months later, I am given a second chance...

I lift myself wearily off the soft mattress. Instinctively, I glance back.

As I type this, I can still recall the first time I set my eyes on it:

CGPA - 3.63

I have achieved the Dean's List! - Conquering the Pole

On different lecturing styles and the Asian students' "passive culture"...

Me: Sir, regarding my question just now. The... The textbook just states the equations, but without any proof.
Lecturer#2: Yes, you can read them from the Smith book.
Me: But can we understand the equations, rather than memorize them? Are the equations provable?
Lecturer#2: Oh, if you want to know the proof, you should be taking other courses, like Physical Electronics *waves hand around as if to say "etc... etc"* or... Electronical Physics. [...]

I stopped asking questions during his lectures. - Most Influential Lecturers

My first attempt at MC-ing, meeting Nicol David in person and then getting photographed in a newspaper...

- I got Nicol David's Autograph!

A funny happening during lecture, involving a projector malfunction...

So what was my lecturer to do than to stand guard at the door, grabbing hold of everyone that entered, in the hope that one of them might be the fated technician. [...]

"Are you the technician?"
"Oh no, Doctor. I'm a student..."

"Are you the technician?"
"Err... bukan... student..."

"Are you the technician?!"
"Er, uh. Ah? Nope sorry..."

"Are you..."
"Student"
"...the..."
"Student!"
"...technician?"
"Makcik sapu lantai kat sini aje, cik..." - Projected Drama

My second attempt at MC-ing, and meeting Puan Sri Ampikaipakan...

- Two Honoured

Postnote: To be honest, I won her over by remembering her first name: Thamayanti. You should have seen her face as she walked toward the stage and I pronounced her name correctly, which according to her, was a big deal as her name "gets murdered on a daily basis"!

And to top it all, no one noticed that I had the shortest script ever that day.

I now take a small step back to look at the roads I've travelled and say, "Boy, what a long way I've come!"

Sigh :)

Nanotechnology: An interesting analogy

Grabbing hold of a giant table, he pushes from behind and tilts it toward us.

"Imagine that this table's top surface is made of metal. The atoms on the four sides react differently from the ones at the centre. This is because the atoms at the sides don't have nearest neighbours, hence their behaviour is different.

"Just like you all are sitting now. Those of you sitting in the second, third rows are surrounded by your friends, and think that I can't see you. But the ones at the front row don't have neighbours in front. They pay full attention. That's why I always ask you to sit in the front row; your behaviour becomes different."

Dr. Roslan pulls up a chair and places it in front of the first row.

"Now, you, sit here."

Jyy Tyng gingerly went and sat in the lone chair, starting to fidget nervously.

"See? When I take him out, his behaviour becomes different! Thank you. You may go back to your seat.

"The same thing happens if we take out an atom from a material. Its behaviour becomes different.

"For example, if we shine light onto a big piece of silicon, nothing happens. But if we separate out one silicon atom, and we shine light onto it, the atom produces more light. The light is amplified.

"Dealing with things on the atomic level and getting results we never could obtain from a large-scale material, this is nanotechnology.

"That's why it's so exciting!"

Credits to Assc. Prof. Dr. Roslan Hashim, School of Physics, USM for his unpredictable, entertaining lectures.

A 'Rapid' analogy

"Why is it," my lecturer asked, pointing to a diagram of a p-n diode, "that the holes and electrons stop moving after some time?"


"Because the negative charges left behind repel the electrons?" I volunteered.

"If you were to take a Rapid from here to Tanjung Bungah", he paused for dramatic effect, "you would only reach Jelutong".

The class roared with laughter.

I must admit that I hesitated a bit to answer his subsequent questions.

Perhaps, he could have done away with that Rapid analogy.